Penguin Prostitution

Hey Cousin!! Hey! Hey!

I love penguins....they look like drunk, uncoordinated children wearing cute, little onesie costumes.

But let's talk about the dark side of our adorable feathered friends. Adelie Penguins are one of the few species in the animal kingdom that engage in prostitution.

(I find this ironic since penguins mate for life).

Penguins use stones for building their nests. It protects their eggs from the sub-zero ground temperatures. In Antarctica, if there is a shortage of stones at a nesting sight, Adelie penguins trade sex for stones.

The female penguin sneaks around on her partner who clearly isn't performing his husbandly duty of bringing home stones for their baby to sleep on. Scientists are unsure if the husbands are pimping out their wives or if they are completely clueless to their wives' extra-curricular activities. 

He sure looks like a pimp to me

Another trip to Bed, Bath, and Beyond for pillows 

The prostitute wife then copulates with an unattached male and takes a pebble afterwards. Sometimes she performs the courtship ritual dance as a trick to distract the male. Then she grabs a stone and tries to run back to her nest. The unattached male misinterprets this teasing behavior, and he beats her up. 

Rent ain't gonna pay fo' itself!

The gold-digging female rarely wins in the end....much like a ghetto gangster rap song.

Other studies suggest the adulterous behavior amongst the female penguins is part of their "mate-choice process" in case their current mates should die. (I have read about similar behavior happening in nursing homes across America). The ladies are simply cruising around test-driving the local talent since their husbands' deaths are nigh. 

(This reasoning could possibly stand up in a Swedish court of law).

But who knows the real reason for this brothel behavior...

My conclusion:

Female penguins are sexual deviants, male penguins are clueless, lazy, perverts, and Antarctica is a debaucherous place. It's the penguin equivalent of Caligula, and I am the most innocent creature on this continent. 

So the next time you start whining about wanting a pet penguin, just think about those naughty little promiscuous swingers, and thank God for your nice, quiet goldfish.

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